mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
He felt like a one man threesome
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
