he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
