her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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