i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
