roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
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Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
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You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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