So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
