I think im going to throw up on grandma
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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