May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
