new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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