No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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