i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My vagina is very pro this idea
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
