i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
