Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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