peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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