For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
