just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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