Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
