I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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