I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
