suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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