Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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