yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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