If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i think i just lost a toe
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
