come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
