I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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