im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
