I murdered the dance floor call the cops
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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