Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
