Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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