So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
