Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
