Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
