well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
