She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
