We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
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I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
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You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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