I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
