my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
