It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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