He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
