how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
