You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
