4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
