I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
