Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
