Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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