I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
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And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
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I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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