If you die in college, do you die in real life?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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