There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
