I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
