I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
if only i could text you this smell
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
