Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
