I am in a vortex of obligation.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
