you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
