I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
