i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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