Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
