she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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