Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
farters have to be the big spoon...
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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