Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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