Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
