I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
someone owes me an orgasm
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
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