And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
i need to put some appletini on your dick
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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