i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
