every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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