New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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