She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
