the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
