Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
