no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
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She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
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Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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