I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
