I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
