just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
