Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
