This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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