That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
