Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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