That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
